WLiiA: Giant Mecha Irish Drinking Song
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: An excerpt from 'Whose Line Is It, Anime': it was meant for giant mecha in general, but tuned into Shinji's Lament somewhere along the way


['Whose Line' intro music plays as the camera pans down the audience to the stage

['Whose Line' intro music plays as the camera pans down the audience to the stage. Seated near the rear of the stage are WAYNE BRADY, CHIP ESTES, COLIN MOCHRIE and RYAN STILES (Since this is supposedly in the middle of the show, I'm not giving them any cutesy introductions) DREW CAREY is seated at his desk, stage right]

[Camera on DREW]

DREW: Awright. Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it, Anime:' the show where everything's made up -   
COLIN: You mean "Made in Japan," don't you?   
DREW: - yeah… and the points don't matter. That's right… the points are like collateral damage in Nerima. There's no impact at all on the community.   
RYAN: Not even a Second Impact?   
DREW: Wrong series. Anyway, our next game is called… Irish Drinking Song, and it's for all four of you, accompanied by Laura Hall [Camera cuts to LAURA, standing behind a baby grand piano and synthesizer. She waves] on the piano. What I need from the audience is something that occurs in anime that doesn't in real life…

CROWD: Martial arts!   
DREW: Something that _doesn't _happen in real life. [WAYNE assumes a 'kiyah' Tae-bo stance, while RYAN attempts a 'bakusai tenketsu' on COLIN's head. COLIN bats RYAN's arm away]

CROWD: Big eyes!   
DREW [turning to the guys]: Can we do something with that?   
CROWD: Big tits!   
[beat for audience laughter]   
DREW: You obviously haven't seen Baywatch, do you?   
MAN IN CROWD: And _you_ haven't seen Ogenki Clinic, have you?   
DREW: No, can't say that I have. [pretending to make a note on the back of a 'Whose Line' card] O... genki... Clin-ic… Have to check that out sometime.   
CHIP: Hey, I didn't know you could _say_ 'tits' on network television.   
WAYNE: And on a Disney station, no less.   
DREW: Well, we push the envelope here, don't we? Now, if he'd said 'big [beeep],' _then_ we'd get censored.   
RYAN: Yeah, but you don't see that in anime, anyway. Heck, they can't even show _hair_.   
DREW: No kidding? Hey, Colin, that's the perfect job for you, man!   
COLIN: I have hair _there_…

CROWD: Giant mecha!   
DREW: Giant mecha? Okay, that sounds promising. Let's do the Giant Mecha Irish Drinking Song…

[LAURA plays the lead-in to the 'Irish Drinking Song.' For those of you not familiar with this game, the contestants line up center stage, waving their right fists with thumb and pinky extended (as if holding a mug of beer) and sing one line of the song at a time. But first, the refrain, transliterated into Japanese orthography for the subtitling purists]

ALL [singing]: Ohhhh… hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di.. dai-di, dai-di, dai!

WAYNE: My dad builds giant mecha   
CHIP: It isn't on a whim   
COLIN: He called me up a while ago   
RYAN: And told me 'climb on in'   
WAYNE: I asked him why he needed me   
CHIP: He said 'Isn't it clear?'   
COLIN: I swear, if I had half a spine   
RYAN: I'd kick him in the rear!

ALL: Oh, hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di.. dai-di, dai-di, dai!

CHIP: This mecha is an awkward thing   
COLIN: It stomps all over town   
RYAN: It's a good thing most of Tokyo-3   
WAYNE: Is safely underground   
CHIP: A step can crush a building flat   
COLIN: And that is when I knew   
RYAN: That this must be what happened   
WAYNE: To Tokyos -1 and -2!

ALL: Oh, hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di.. dai-di, dai-di, dai!

COLIN: The mecha's hundreds of feet tall   
RYAN: Two dozen meters wide   
WAYNE: And when it goes berserk, you wonder   
CHIP: If it's on our side   
COLIN: From when I laid my eyes on it   
RYAN: I still rue the day   
WAYNE: I think Dad's overcompensating   
CHIP: For - [spoken] - don't make me say

ALL: Oh, hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di.. dai-di, dai-di, dai!

RYAN: I'm not the only mecha jockey   
WAYNE: I've lots of company   
CHIP: Like Asuka, Rei, the Knight Sabres   
COLIN: And Daitokuji, B(ko)   
RYAN: It's all my dad's idea, of course   
WAYNE: I think he's such a jerk   
CHIP: Why do you think he sends me out   
COLIN: To do what's women's work?

ALL: Oh, hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di.. dai-di, dai-di, dai!   
Oh, hai-di, dai-di, dai-di, dai-di [harmonizing] daaai-di, daaai-di, daaaai!

DREW [over audience cheers]: Don't go away, we'll be right back with more 'Whose Line is it, Anime?"

[Commercial bumper: "And now, some actors who use scripts."]


End file.
